


Your Favourite One

by reignsromans



Series: See You Again [6]
Category: Killing Eve (TV 2018)
Genre: F/F, but its ok i promise, soft soft soft, this might hurt, we got some big sads
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-20
Updated: 2020-11-15
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:09:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27123649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reignsromans/pseuds/reignsromans
Summary: Does absence truly make the heart grow fonder?
Relationships: Eve Polastri/Villanelle | Oksana Astankova
Series: See You Again [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1852198
Comments: 62
Kudos: 176





	1. when you're gone

Does absence truly make the heart grow fonder? 

At the beginning, Eve might have been inclined to agree. Everything had still been fresh over those first couple of weeks, the memories still powerful enough to fill part of the void and provide comfort; to keep her within the realms of cautious optimism. It was _Villanelle_ after all, the woman slipped around like a shadow. She wouldn't be caught. She couldn't be. They'd find their way back.

By the time a month had passed - November giving way to December and sadness beginning to weigh heavier - that inclination had shifted away. Memories fade quickly, no matter how much you cling to and replay them. They lose sharpness and clarity, devolve from reliving a moment to only glimpsing flashes. Eve's already tentative optimism had faded right along with them. What if Villanelle had been found? Or worse? Logically, Eve knew she would have heard if any such thing had happened, but that didn't stop the seeds of doubt growing in the back of her mind, fed by worry and uncertainty. 

Christmas came and went, New Year too. Eve had never cared for either, had never been one to celebrate much of anything, but she spent a lot of time wondering if Villanelle did. Wondering if, wherever she was, she'd gone to the trouble of finding any kind of decoration to sling up or if it had all passed her by as normal; if she stayed awake and counted down until the midnight stroke on December 31st or if, like Eve, she simply didn't understand all the hype. Wondering, above all else, if she was okay. Hoping the answer was yes. 

Now January was nearing its end, Paris was almost three months in the rear view mirror and the absence mostly just hurt. 

It was never supposed to hurt. 

Among the flirtation and attraction, the fascination and obsession, Eve had never seen pain on the cards. But now it was here and it was hitting _hard_ , hard enough to decide that that famous little expression had it all backwards. In the end, it's the fondness that affects the absence. The fonder the heart, the bigger the hole left by whoever is gone.

Villanelle was leaving one hell of a hole.

\----------

It was a Sunday evening when the call came. Eve was curled up in her usual position on the sofa, mug of tea in one hand and Kindle in the other, re-reading The Shining until the soothing sounds of rain pattering on the window and the hum of the heating were interrupted by a loud vibrating on the coffee table. Frowning at the name on the screen, she picked her phone up and swiped to accept.

"Carolyn? What is it?"

" _Eve_." There was a rustle, a door closing. " _I debated making this call but, as you did a lot of the leg-work, I found it to be necessary. The case is closed._ "

"What do you mean 'closed'?"

She already knew the answer. The led weight that had dropped in her gut knew it too. There was only one thing it could mean, only one way things were going to end, but she asked anyway, needing to hear it confirmed. To have the hope that she'd so foolishly clung to killed off by someone else's words, because she would never be able to put an end to it on her own.

" _As of sometime this morning, Villanelle is dead._ " 

Carolyn continued talking, odd bits and pieces like "tracked to Rome" and "lost a couple of agents" and "unfortunate collateral damage" vaguely registering somewhere in Eve's brain before she stopped distinguishing anything at all. Dead. That was all that held any importance. Not the where or the how - she didn't need those images. Was going to be haunted enough without them. 

" _Eve? Are you still there?_ " 

"Yeah." Eve cleared her throat. Her chest was tight, locked in a vice and she needed to go, wrap this up before her voice broke and gave it all away. "I'm just...shocked." 

" _To be quite honest, so am I_." 

"Thanks for letting me know." 

" _It was the least I could do, I suppose. Enjoy the rest of your evening_." 

The call ended a second later and Eve slowly lowered her phone to her lap. The dull thump of her heart filled her ears as she popped half her phone case off, pulled out the piece of paper she kept there and gently unfolded it. It was worn from moving from pocket to pocket over that first month or so, the creases where it folded a lot more pronounced, but the writing never changed. 

A promise unkept.

"Asshole." Eve whispered, staring down at the page through tears that fought hard to break free. She had never quite decided if she believed if those words would turn out to be true or not, and now she didn't have to. Now they couldn't and the realization made the invisible grip on her chest tighten. 

It wasn't the broken promise that hurt the most, though. It was the question in the middle ( _maybe you will miss me too?_ , sounding as hopeful as Villanelle had looked laid there that evening in the dying light) that she could hardly bear to look at, that made her close her eyes and send the first couple of tears spilling over. Because god, she had. She _did_. Because there had never been any question and Villanelle should have known that. She _deserved_ to have known that. Eve was supposed to get a chance to tell her.

_Supposed to_. As if any of us are entitled to our plans.

Tears continued to fall, warm and undisturbed in their tracks. Eve made no attempt to brush them away. They were long overdue. All she could do was keep breathing. In and out, in spite of the crushing weight that tried to convince her she couldn't. 

" _Don't get caught, okay?_ " 

(but she had)

" _I will not get caught._ " 

(keep breathing, in and out)

" _Good. Then I'll see you again_."

(never again)

\----------

An immense emptiness took over after that. As if the void Villanelle had left behind had taken on a life of its own and consumed all that surrounded it; an emotional black hole that left Eve numb. She went through the motions, showed up to work and buried herself in whatever she could get her hands on, but there was no relief anywhere. No comfort to be found in the very routine that had brought her and Villanelle together in the first place. 

The first day was the worst, as it often is. The cause of her pain was the buzz of the office: colleagues patting themselves on the back and enthusiastically celebrating how their collective efforts had toppled a monster, going on and on about how such a dangerous person biting it was no great loss in their eyes. "Probably for the best," they said, but they hadn't known Villanelle. Not like Eve had, or had been slowly coming to. It was all black and white to them, and perhaps that was the one source of comfort. The fact that she was the only one with _more_. 

Because Villanelle had been more. So much more.

Eve would have told her that too, given the chance. 

Things had died down by mid-week, and by Friday everyone had moved on completely. Eve could only dream of being able to let go that easily. There was a new assassin to focus on now, new bodies popping up and new information to analyze, but she was still stuck on the old one. Strangely, she missed the chase almost as much as she missed Villanelle herself. A lifetime of aimlessly pursuing her would have been preferable to one where she no longer existed. 

As time dragged on Villanelle became synonymous with the constant, dull ache in her chest. That was where she resided now - trapped in place by memories, as hazed by sadness as they were, and the regret of everything left unspoken. Kept close to the heart. Kept within.

Would Eve ever be able to let her go? 

\----------

Days could feel interminable, but nights offered an escape. Sleep was a lot easier to come by now that Eve's mind no longer swam with unanswered questions or wants and worries, and she didn't care enough about her current work case to be kept awake puzzling it out. As soon as her head hit her pillow she was gone, enveloped in blissful nothingness and thankful for it. 

It was deep, that nothingness. So deep that it wasn't penetrated by the clinks and rattles of a lockpick or the front door being gently opened and closed. 

Wasn't disturbed by the soft padding of sock-clad feet across the carpets. 

Eve wasn't even aware of the hand that reached out through the darkness of her bedroom and touched her shoulder. Not at first; not until a voice accompanied it.

"Eve, it is me." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you don't understand how hard I am bricking it over posting this lmao
> 
> sorry it took so long, had to fight through one bitch of a block. anyways!! thank you so so much for reading and for all your adorable comments on the last part, it was a huge amount of love and it means a lot
> 
> PS: @reignsromanss on twitter if that's your vibe, it's just a mess of things i love but whatever


	2. in the dark, taking shots at my heart

"Eve." 

The not-so-hushed whisper and hand on her shoulder pulled Eve from the depths of sleep with a jerk and a sharp inhale. A surge of adrenaline and the question of _who the fuck was in her house_ kick-started her system and she scrambled to find the switch for her bedside lamp, getting it on the third try and squinting against the light as she sat up. 

"Hi, Eve."

Her thudding heart seemed to come to a complete stop in her chest as the familiar voice registered, as her eyes adjusted and she blinked away some of the residual fuzziness. This was either the world's most convincing lucid dream or she was seeing an actual, honest to god ghost. 

A ghost in a ridiculous, bright orange teddy bear t-shirt. _What the fuck_. 

"Wha-" she stopped and blinked a few more times, "you're alive?" 

"I am alive." 

It felt too surreal for words. Bewildered and still more than half convinced she was dreaming, Eve crossed her legs under her and shifted towards where Villanelle sat on the edge of the bed. She slowly raised a slightly trembling hand and cupped one of Villanelle's cheeks, noting a few cuts and bruises scattered over her face and tracing her thumb gently over a swollen bruise under her left eye. "What happened to your face?" 

"I am back from the dead and you are worried about my face?" Villanelle asked teasingly, shrugging a moment later when she received no response. "It is nothing. Apparently MI6 agents are taught to fight back better than I expected. I still won." 

Eve said nothing for several seconds, staring dumbly while her thumb absent-mindedly traced over the yellowing mark again. "You're really here." She breathed. 

Villanelle nodded, lifting her own hand to rest on Eve's wrist, fingers gently curling around it as she stared back at her intently. "I am really here." 

"Holy shit." Eve inhaled deeply as she tried and failed to figure out what she wanted to say first, eventually letting all the air out in one burst and lunging forward to press a firm, lingering kiss to Villanelle's lips. Tangible proof that this was really, truly happening before she sat back again and returned her hand to her lap. "You fucking asshole." 

Villanelle frowned. "Are you mad?" 

"I'm...I don't know! I can't believe you let me think you were dead! Do you have _any idea_ -" 

"I wanted to tell you." 

Eve took another deep breath, dropping her head to her hands and resting her elbows on her crossed legs. There were too many conflicting emotions trying to make a break for it at once, too many questions that she was too overwhelmed to piece together and ask. How was a person supposed to react to something like this? Wrap their head around it? Understand how a grief that had been so dark and heavy and _everywhere_ could be taken away so quickly, lifted like nothing more than fine fog on a sunny day?

"Really, I wanted to." Villanelle continued. "Konstantin, he is kind of my boss, would not let me. He would not even give me a phone! All I had was a laptop with no internet connection and his movie collection, which was pretty shit by the way. We hid out in some weird little cabin of his. I was sooo bored." 

"You were bored and decided to fake your own death?" Eve questioned, not moving. 

"It was not my idea! They said it was the best way to get rid of MI6." Villanelle replied defensively. "And it does not matter now because I am here and you know the truth." 

"Yeah, I do." Eve sat back up straight and sighed tiredly, dragging a hand through her curls. "Sorry. It just...it sucked, okay?" 

The corner of Villanelle's mouth twitched. "Does that mean you missed me?" 

"Of course I did." 

"Like a hole in the head?"

"No, not like that. For real." Eve swallowed. The opportunity she had longed for was here in the flesh, against all odds, and yet everything she had wanted to say seemed to be suddenly and inconveniently lodged in her throat. Reluctant to leave and make her more vulnerable when she already felt so raw, so exposed. 

"Me too." 

( _Weird, right? I have never missed anyone before_ )

"I know." A softness had come over Eve's face at the simplicity of the words, the ease with which Villanelle spoke them. It helped the tangle in her throat start to budge. "Like you wrote." 

"Hey, you found it!" Villanelle grinned, wincing just a little as the movement scrunched the bruise under her eye. "Romantic, huh?" 

"Unexpected." Eve's eyes flitted down to her lap for a split second before she returned them to the woman in front of her. "I read it and I...all I wanted was to tell you that I knew I was going to miss you too. I knew and I hated that you didn't. That it was a question." 

"I mean, I hoped really hard. That kept me going." 

"Seriously?" 

"No." Villanelle grinned again in spite of the twinge of pain it caused, pulling her legs up and crossing them to sit facing Eve head on. "I am not that cheesy, Eve. Give me some credit." 

Eve scoffed. "Your note says different." 

"My note made you admit you like being with me, it is a winner." 

"Fine, it was a winner." Eve conceded with a half-assed eye roll. "But really, were you okay?" 

Villanelle shrugged, looking off to one side and frowning ever so slightly, as if battling with something held within. "I was, mostly." She puffed up her cheeks and returned her gaze to Eve as she let the air out again. "I kept feeling things even without you there. It was shit and I did not like it. Konstantin kept saying I have gone soft."

A disgusted expression followed, as if the very concept were beyond offensive. Eve had a job hiding her amusement. "Have you?"

"No!" 

Eve raised an eyebrow, waiting.

"...Maybe. A little. But only when it is you, okay? Do not get wrong ideas."

( _You have changed a lot for me)_

"Wouldn't dream of it." 

"Good." A quick wink. "Were _you_ okay, Eve?" 

Being asked was a whole lot more personal than asking, Eve thought, and if it were anyone else she would have lied without a second thought. Saved herself from being _known_ on any level deeper than the surface. But Villanelle was already under her skin, already had more of her than Eve had ever wanted to give away, whether she knew it or not, and Villanelle was letting herself be known in return. Giving herself away just the same, through scattered bits and pieces of truth. 

Eve would reciprocate as best she could.

"Not really. I didn't like what I felt without you either." 

Villanelle hummed her acknowledgement. "Shit, right? I kept having these annoying thoughts..." She trailed off, averting her eyes once more. "Like maybe you would decide that coming to Paris had been a mistake and move on while I was gone." 

God, a punch in the gut would be kinder. Doubt looked so wrong on her. So out of place.

"Vil, no, I-" Eve sighed. "I never stopped thinking about you. It's pretty embarrassing, actually. I didn't want to move on and I don't think I could have even if I did." She paused, fighting through the way her heart was threatening to pack up and willing her voice to hold steady. "The thought of something like Paris happening again was a lifeline."

"I wished we could have stayed there." Villanelle confessed, voice barely above a whisper as she fixed Eve with a wistful little smile. "I did not want you to go." 

_Oh._

There was no magic or sparks; the world didn't stop turning and nothing in the universe shifted, but something in Eve did. Whatever tether of reluctance had been holding her back, whatever feeble guard remained...they snapped and dropped in an instant. The spot in her chest that had taken on Villanelle's name as its own was no longer an empty ache, was being taken over by a spreading warmth and that _meant something_. It had to.

Something it was getting harder to leave unnamed. 

"Me either." She managed, voice thick with emotion. 

Villanelle's smile grew, eyes glinting as they caught the light from the bedside lamp and then she was leaning forwards, brushing her fingertips down the side of Eve's face as she inched closer, closer, _so close_. 

"What have you done to me, Eve?" 

It was a whisper, ghosting over her lips and sending a shiver down her spine, then Villanelle's lips were on hers and everything was okay again. Everything was alive because _she_ was alive. She was right there, making herself known through gentle kisses and a hand in Eve's hair.

_There. Real. Not gone._

Eve's hand found its way around the back of Villanelle's neck, fingers digging in ever so slightly as she pulled back just enough to rest their foreheads together. Keeping her _there_ ; sharing her breaths, shaky and louder than usual in the fragile silence that surrounded them.

_Stay close. Don't go._

"Will you stay?" There was a scratch to her voice, a subtle rasp. She swallowed it away. "Please?" 

"Mmm..." Villanelle hummed, a cheeky smile spreading across her face as she made a show of thinking. As much of a little shit as ever. "Only if I can be the big spoon."

"Oh? You plan on spooning the couch?" 

A dramatic gasp. "Eve! You would not dare!"

Eve laughed, dropping her hand and leaning back on her elbows to fully appreciate the look of absolute indignance she had caused. "I would. But not tonight."

"Not ever!" Villanelle protested, making a point of clambering over Eve on her way to the other side of the bed and flopping down with a huff once she got there. "This is my side now, I will not be moved." 

Suppressing another laugh, Eve glanced her over. "Didn't think you'd fancy sleeping in jeans." 

Villanelle rolled her eyes heavily, getting up to rid herself of the offending article of clothing (as well as her socks) before throwing the duvet back with every ounce of her usual drama and laying down. Flat on her back, duvet pulled right up to her chin, she spoke again, " _now_ I will not be moved." 

"You're ridiculous." Eve stated with a grin, shaking her head as flicked the bedside lamp off and settled down beside Villanelle. "But I'm glad the teddy bear t-shirt stayed on. Very sexy." 

Call it revenge for the digs at her fluffy socks.

"...shut up. It is comfy."

\----------

It had taken all of five minutes for Villanelle to scooch her way over to Eve's side. A shuffle here and a stretch there until Eve had felt an arm slip loosely around her middle and a warm body behind her. There would be time to tease her about it later. For now she couldn't find it in her to mind. Being in Villanelle's arms felt...nice. Cozy. Safe. 

"Just for the record, this is not how I wanted to do this." Came a sleepy murmur from behind her.

"Do what?" Eve asked, not bothering to open her eyes.

"Come back to you." Villanelle answered. "Sneaking into your house in the middle of the night is so plain. No flair at all." 

Eve chuckled softly. "I dread to think what the original plan was." 

"Mm, maybe invite you to meet me somewhere pretty to watch the stars. Tell you you are more beautiful than all of them. Bring you more champagne." 

A snort. It couldn't be contained. "How much of that movie collection you mentioned was rom-coms?" 

"A _really_ embarrassing amount. I had to make fun of Konstantin for it." Villanelle replied, grin apparent in her voice even through the drowsiness. "Some good ideas but it turns out being dead ruins a lot of plans."

"I think I like the breaking and entering better anyway." 

She felt the arm around her give a gentle squeeze at that and relaxed into the touch, already closed eyes feeling heavier as silence and comfort took over once more. 

Seconds ticked into minutes. Breathing gradually slowed. 

"I hope you do not regret this." 

It wasn't even a murmur this time. More like a breath; a thought that escaped without permission from a mind on the brink of sleep. 

"I won't." Eve whispered softly into the darkness. "You're not a mistake." 

"If I was, would I be your favourite one?" 

Eve didn't know why it was such a _Villanelle_ question or why it stirred such a rush of fondness within her; it just was and it just did. 

"Without a doubt." 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am once again apologizing for taking forever over this and i am once again nervous as all hell about how it turned out lmao
> 
> thank you so SO much for reading!! ily all and treasure your adorable comments more than you know
> 
> twitter --> @reignsromanss


End file.
